"When the student is willing, the teacher appears, spiritual sages tell us. Another way to put it is that when we are willing to be taught, we become teachable. We always move ahead in our art when we open our heart to willingness. In order to do something well, we must first be willing to do it badly. We must have the humility to be once again a beginner, to admit what we don't know and admit that we wish to know more."
Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way Everday: A Year of Creative Living
I want to try to start showing up here more. Many days, I think about coming to this blog, but I don't actually do it. I tell myself that my thoughts are too unorganized and that I don't have the mental energy to make sense of them through writing, or at least, writing that is fit for other's to read. That it's too late in the evening. That I need to go to bed. That if I plan to rise early, I'll inevitably wake her too. That I'm out of practice. That I struggle with which to share here. And all of those reasons are truthful. I do. They are. I am.
But still....wanting to write it, this life, these happenings, down is a cathartic release, even if it is just part of my story. Most often, difficult in the moment, but necessary. It feels good show up.
I want to write about some new projects on the burner. How I pulled up 90% of my garden weeks ago. How we still dream of a little chunk of land somewhere in the mountains. How honored I am to be my girl's mother. That she is learning to knit and to read and goes to sleep at night only after she's done a bit of both. How much I am enjoying tuning into her, homeschooling, and getting a second chance at childhood. That second childhood is a big one!
Equal parts determined, pushy, passive, frustrated, and calm, I struggle to find the peaceful path that is mine and mine alone. Comparing myself to no one, yet knowing when to ease up and put force on the accelerator that drives me.