Live Free

Sunday morning

It's an overcast and green Sunday morning. From where I sit, I hear the hens conducting their morning bawk bawk sessions. The birds are singing. The fresh, electric green leaves are fluttering in the breeze. I hear Beatrix playing quietly in the living room. She's building with her blocks -- a car, a house, a doorknob. Yesterday she made a bumbo out of blocks for one of her dollhouse babies...Byron is reading on the couch. 

I just finished up some computer work for school. The rest of this Sunday is mine to enjoy as I please. I'm thinking today will call for some mulch spreading, a walk in the neighborhood, some wildflower specimens to be prepared for our nature shelf, and, oh, perhaps some home-made facial moisturizer to be whipped up. Surely there is a magical recipe out there that calls for the three ingredients I have in my kitchen right now: beeswax, coconut oil, and olive oil.  

Last night I finally began a birthday email to Beatrix (Yes, I email her. She has a gmail account that I've kept for her since she was a baby) recounting what she is all about at this point in her life. It's still in my draft box becasue I just knew I would continue to think of bits and bobs that I'd want to add. She's a strong, independent, funny, endearing, and curious spirit. I can't imagine what our world would be like without her presence. This phase she's in, boy, oh boy, it is a great one. Those toddler years and that 3 year old year in particular had their challenging moments, for sure. But right now, I am savoring the balance she is feeling. Surely, more bumpiness is right around the corner...

All in a day

Turns out, with the combination of my Instagram shots and my real camera, I had this sweet sequence of photos of Beatrix from today. I'd say today was a picture taking day. Not all days are like that. Some days, or at least portions of the day, I relish in not being tied to a hunk of technology. But then there are days like this one, that, well, it's just plain fun to snap away. And I'm glad I captured the moments. 

She woke up to a snuggle from Blackie. He LOVES to sleep with her. I would have done anything to get my cat to love to sleep with me when I was a child. However, in our house, Blackie sneaking into bed with Beatrix can often result in, um, some controversy because 1) she loves him fiercely, but 2) she usually loves her own space in her bed more. 

Today she was tickled by his presence. 

A little drawing and singing before the school day starts and the other children arrive. We were singing Mr. Roger's "It's Such A Good Feeling." She loves to sing and she knows all the words and she is so freaking darling doing it.  It's one of the few shows we happily allow Beatrix to watch. But not every day. Maybe onece a week.

 Screens and children: now that's controversy... 

Her school work. What a big girl, making all sorts of fancy, big numbers like that...

On the topic of soon-she'll-be-smarter-than-me. Tonight, we oh, alright, Byron, had to discuss the theory of relativity to her because she was wondering why when she flew in an airplane once two years ago, it felt like the airplane wasn't moving. Sheesh. 

And also, I mentioned to her that this summer, she and I ought to make cheese together. I was telling her about a dairy a couple of miles away where we could get good, raw milk. Her response: Well, don't forget, we also need  a calf's tummy. Byron clued me in that in one of the chapters in The Little House in the Big Woods (evidently I was absent for this particular reading two months ago), Ma has to get rennet (from a slaughtered calf's tummy) so that she can make cheese. We then went on to explain that we can get the rennet already packaged and that we won't have to slaughter a calf to make cheese this summer. Good thing. Modern life has its perks. 

It rained a good, soaking, rain today (and more is on it's way). She was listening to it.

Beatrix can play for very long stretches of time all by herself. In this photo, darn it, I can remember the play was really sweet, but I can't remember the details right now. Ah...poor memory.

 

It wasn't long before she donned her rain jacket and boots to make her way outside for some very eagerly anticipated rain play. Between catching raindrops on her tongue, she was pretending that this part of our yard was her school and that our front porch was her house. To get inside her house, she made a gate with all of my potted plants across our sidewalk. When she needed to get inside her house, she'd move a couple of pots to create an entrance. And then move them back again, of course. This entertained her for long time. She came in soaking wet and spent the rest of the evening in her undies. 

That was our day. Busy and fun. I'm tired, but happy. What was your day like?

Blustery Day at Sauer Beckmann

Last weekend my mom came to visit. It was so nice to have her around. She's such an easy house quest and is always ready to go with the flow of whatever we are doing. Ah...

On one of the days she was here, she, Beatrix, and I took a day trip out to Sauer Beckmann Farm. She has never been. So of course, I had to change that...It was a blustery day and felt more like winter instead of early spring. Very few wildflowers were blooming, but the sun shone like crazy while the wind whipped around us. 

I love this farm. I love walking around, listening to the quiet and imagining how much more quiet it must have been 100 years ago, before highways, before subdivisions, before running water, social media, constant connection to the entire universe etc.

Sometimes it feels so wonderful to try to touch upon that kind of quiet -- to hint in the direction of...

As you may have figured out, I love taking photographs at Sauer Beckmann. It's an achingly photogenic setting, and visiting this place never fails to inspire me and to nudge at the dreams of one day having a little bit more land - and a little bit more silence - to our days. 

Season of hope and spring garden notes.

It's the season of very big hope in our parts. For me, this means I'm out in the garden, every single day, examining, watering, cheering on every new sets of leaves growing and each seedling just beginning to sprout. 

It's the season before (gardening) obstacles become very apparent. Before infestations, before the excrutiating heat, before we forget to water as often as we should. 

It's always at this time every year that I have big hopes and dreams for my garden. In my imagination, I see baskets of produce and greenery and lushness. Bees and blossoms. Fruit bearing down and over. Abundance. Freshness. Early morning dew. Preserving sessions in the kitchen. I swear, one day I will achieve -- all of it.

But let's face it, that dream will take some refinement in the gardening department on my part. It's a good thing I am learning more and more each year where my errors lie.

Here's what I've got going for me:

I think we've been doing a good job of keeping our soil good and strong. I apply mycorrhiza while planting. I water with a molasses mixture. I top dress with pine needles. I fertilize with rabbit manure, this product, and fish emulsion. 

There. Take that Texas drought. 

The big setback around here is lack of water. I've tried soaker hoses and hand watering. Soaker hoses burst at random areas and end up wasting more than they should. Hand watering just doesn't provide a consistent and deep soaking. Consequently, we are now seriously planning to install a real drip irrigation system. It seems as if it's the only sustainable solution to the lack of rain. Yes, of course, I wonder if it's not more enviro-friendly to not garden, than to burden our water supplies for the sake of my hobby (and mental sanity). But choosing to not garden is depressing. I'm not ready to give up just yet.

On a lighter note:

My herbs from last year are gorgeous. It's hard to believe I planted them as tiny four inch plants. The lavender and oregano are bushes now! One of my lavender plants is beginning to blossom. This is all very exciting to me!

Along our front yard fence is a long line of beans that are growing. What fun. They are sprouting and getting taller every day! Next fall, after we harvest the beans, I'll replace them with climbing rose bushes along the columns of the fence line.

My irises should be blooming any day now. They are so close. Maybe right in time for Easter.  Update: They. are. blooming. Oh, thank you dear irises! 

I even had a tiny bit of success with daffodils this year which typically do not thrive here. I'm hopeful to get a few more blooms next year as they settle into their home.  

Sunflowers and zinnias are well on their way. Garlic and onions are beginning to show signs of browness in their leaves. 

I've got more beans to plant as well as cucumbers, peppers, eggplant, and potatoes. I'm not planting zuccini this year as they take up so much garden space and always fall prey to the nasty squash vine borer right as they are ready to produce. Too tragic.  

and just like that...

And just like that, I'm a mama to a four year old. Our dear, sweet Beatrix -- my heart holds an ocean of gratitude for the opportunity to be your mama. It's as if we were living our days in a monochrome world before we became a family. Thank you for adding a world of brightness, color, and saturation to our days.  

You are loved so very much. 

 

Springy, Spring, Spring

Well, it's spring break in our parts. Which means, we've had a string of lazy, slow, perfect spring days. It's 75 degrees and sunny out there, absolutely perfect. Beatrix and I have been taking our sweet time getting going in the mornings, lazying about in the most luxurious manner. Enjoying slow cups of hot coffee (for me), oatmeal or eggs, and bacon for us. Boy oh boy, that girl is good company. The kind of company that makes lingering feel oh so just right. You know the kind -- the "let's just hold this moment for a little bit longer" kind of company.

Speaking of good company, Beatrix's birthday is this coming weekend. 4 years. Oh my. How can that be?? I love that her birthday falls on our spring break every year. It's so nice to slow down, soak up the sweetness that she is, and savor the last days before she grows one.more.year.older. I'm loving, loving, loving this age so very much. Family snuggles in her bed as we read aloud the Little House chapter book series has pretty much been one of the greatest highlight of my life so far. Seriously, those moments of us cuddling up, leaning up into each other's arms listening to the adventures of Pa, Ma, and their girls...oh, such good memories to tuck away forever and always. 

Despite the slow start to our days, we have been ever so slightly productive. We've planted lots of lots of herbs in our front yard. One day, our front yard will waft in the aroma of lavendar and roses. I cannot wait! We also have plans to build three more garden beds for a total of five in all. Beatrix has been pretending she is Ms. Rumphius and has been sprinkling all sorts of seeds (from old seed packs) around the yard. Who knows, maybe I'll have better luck with her freestyle planting technique than with my more structured, indoor attempts. We discovered this afternoon, that some of our sunflowers, zinnias, and cosmos are already sprouting! 

Right now, Beatrix has a sneezy, runny nose. I tell ya, knock on wood, this girl is as hardy as they come. She tends to get a sniffle for one or two days a year and it's usually during spring break right before her birthday. So she has been joining us in bed at night and asking me to rock her as she dozes back to sleep. I can't help but wonder how many more opportunties I'll have to hold my baby girl in my arms. She's growing like a weed!  

All for now!  Must get to work at some serious list making and errand running for the next two days. There's a party in the woods to plan!

 

 

Early spring.

I wrote a big ole post last night about spring and about why must it be that children grow up so darn fast. And then poof, it disappeared into the Typepad atmosphere with no apparent reason, whatsoever.

These second versions (it's not the first time I lose a post, oh no...) of lost posts can never replace the first ones, but I'll try to recap and record a little bit of what has been going on in our parts the last couple of weeks.

School work: school fairs, open houses, an interview, and an impromptu workshop in my living room. The little school is keeping me busy. I continue to have on-going conversations with myself about walking the illusive line of following the child's interest while gently exposing her to new experiences. What a dance it is!  

Gardening: I went quite crazy with an opportunity to buy a couple of flats of herbs at wholesale prices only because, I've had dreams of lavender fields for a long time. I live on a quarter of an acre, so I'm not planting a lavender field per se, but we are doing a heck of a lot of landscaping with herbs that like our sunny and dry climate -- lots and lots of laveder, thyme, and oregano are going into our lawn this spring. 

The little one: Six months ago, her favorite book was the pop-up version of The Wheels on the Bus. Last night, we finished our first chapter book. This growing up thing could happen at a slower pace and I'd be just fine with it. Really. Also, she has been using words like 'totally' in her conversations. Ex: Mama, I totally forgot to pick up my trains before I went outside. 

Me: I'm enjoying the spring weather we've been having. Spring is a rare season in Texas. It typically lasts for about 48 hours. But this year, it's lingering and I love it so much. The day starts off in the chilly 30's, warms up to the 50's or 60's by afternoon, and then quickly cools again by evening. We are enjoying the habit of layering up cozily for the day: undershirts, long sleeves, and something wooly on top. Snuggly layers are the best! I am beginning to feel desperate (okay, nearly bitter) about the lack of rain we've had. I am entirely exhausted by this multi-year drought. I can deal with the heat and the cold, but I need water to go along with it. 

I've also been thinking seriously about how the education of Beatrix will unfold as she ages out of her preschool years. She has one more year to go before she turns 5! I know it will be here in the blink of an eye, and I just can't believe how fast early childhood flies by. Unfortunately, I have no conslusive answers to report on the subject. I am counting on the notion that life will evolve slowly and naturally as our needs shift. We'll see.  

 

 

Tell me my story.

 

Beatrix has been asking a bunch for Byron and I to retell her birth/adoption story. "Tell me again my story, Mama." It's sweet. Tonight, she asked me to tell it because she says, "yesterday, Daddy forgot some parts." Well not really, we explain. He just told the story from his perspective. We all have different perspectives. 

Regardless, she LOVES hearing it. The part where I answer the phone on the day she was born. "A healthy, beautiful baby girl is waiting for you," said the social worker. The part where we get our neighbors to watch Sandy, our dog. The part where we finally all come together in the hospital nursery. The three of us, forever from that moment on. The way we became a family. In her mind, at this point in her life, it's such a happy ending. She finds us. We find her. And we all fall in love and live happily ever after. 

I expect that one day, her perspective will evolve. The black and white story of how we became a family will be seen in it's truer shades of gray. Our simple love story will include the bittersweet curves and bumps of it all - of love and loss. If and when that time of contemplation arrives, we hope she always feels it deep in the center of her heart, how much her daddy and I have adored being her mama and daddy and how natural it has always felt to us. This family. Curating our days to be full of love and beauty and freedom and exploration so that when she is grown up and travels beyond this safe, cozy nest of a home, she'll intuitively know the direction in which to seek - the one in which her life if full of meaning and joy.

I hope that no matter the journey we travel, no matter the complexities of love and family, she'll always, always know that here with us, she'll always belongs. We are a tribe. Unconditionally. And there's no reversing that. We can't be undone. 

Oh, this growing up stuff is big and beautiful and tender and sweet. 

 

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined."   --Henry David Thoreau

 

Valentine's

 

Happy Valentine's Day to all! I'm stopping by to quickly post a smorgasbord of photos from the past week. There seems to be a Valentine(y)/February theme to them, don't you think? Love, sunshine, flowering bulbs, sweetness, cuteness, etc.  

All is well in our parts despite the running lists that never seem to shorten in length and nightly 4am awakenings, due to the very indecisive house kitty (ehem), and my racing mind. 

We took a trip to Houston last week to visit Byron's parents and had such a lovely time. We squeezed in a trip to visit The Natural Science Musuem and (drumroll, please) Trader Joe's. You see, several years ago, when we moved to Texas from Maryland, I went through a mourning phase for that place. I truly felt at a loss without it for a long while, even though we had the flagship Wholefoods and a plethora of other health food grocery stores. In my world, none were as worthy as Trader Joe's. 

Over the years, (thankfully) I've adapted and I've grown to love certain grocery stores for certain items. I've all but whittled away my need for Trader Joe's, but it was nice to reunite, and to remember the people we were and the lives we were living when we shopped at Trader Joes in Annapolis. I stocked up on just a few items that we were needing: soap, shampoo, pistachios, and granola bars. I also splurged on a bouquet of tulips and daffodils.  Oh, how I love bulbs! One day, I will see, in person, the patchwork fields of tulips blooming in the early spring. I will. I will. I will. 

On the home front, the little one is as exuberant as ever. She's been really stoked about celebrating Valentine's Day with her little school friends. They are so dear together. They all get along so well and truly do love each other. It's such a treat to watch them grow together. This is a fun, fun age. Besides, her school friends, Beatrix is loving fossils (and even read the word 'fossil' today). She's growing up way too fast. She is also loving a gifted leotard and creating spontaneous afternoon dance routines in the living room. Her expressions and form are something to see y'all. For reals.

She is also rediscovering the So Many Fairies stories from Sparkle Stories. When we first subscribed last year, they were a little to deep to hold her attention. Now, she is soaking them in with a newfound peace and attention. So Many Fairies are truly such delightful stories. As is the trend when it comes to me and Sparkle Stories, I'm enjoying them just as much as she is!

Lastly, I am dreaming of more rain, green grass, damp soil, and a certain little one's 4th birthday which is quickly approaching. Lots of plans for these next few months. 

Life is good. 

Treasures and then some.

This quilt, from my grandma's. I'm not exactly sure about the story behind it. There might not be a story. It's probably just another functional quilt made of scraps kind of creation, but I'm pretty sure my great grandmother, Leontine, quilted it. She made lots of wild quilts in her days. The weight of this one is so great - heavy, substantial. I'm really picky about the weight of my covers on the bed and this quilt seals the deal in that department. Perfection. I love it. It is sewn entirely by hand and is in perfect condition. Can you say treasure? 

This girl. I admit, we have days that are not always so nice. Not in the least. She and I. Together, I know we must sometimes look like two elderly sisters living together and having quite a time getting along. But I like to think that mostly, we really enjoy each other's presence. She is so big and smart and full of important questions and things she wants to know more about - like calendars and fossils. She's getting into these phases where she can play and plan and create for hours. And then she'll go outside and play and play with her little friend next door. Unbelieveable. And then, she'll ask for me to hold her at which point she wraps her legs tightly around my waist and while her arms squeeze me, her nose nuzzles my neck. I love nearly four. Busy, purposeful and still my precious little girl. She's another treasure. The biggest one yet. 

We have eight hens and we gathered 8 eggs today. I'm a happy chicken farmer. Our hens are such good, pretty girls. I can't believe half the flock is over two years old already. Beatrix was just a tiny tot when we got them as baby chicks. Time flies. 

I made a terrarium today. For the last couple of weeks, I've been collecting supplies: moss, lichen, succulents, rocks, etc. I put it together today and it looks lovely on our kitchen table. I'm ready to make another one!  

Also, I think Lori already has quite a following, but just in case you haven't discovered her blog yet, please check it out. What I'm enjoying most is her series on Project Based Homeschooling for grownups. Yes, because we too, frequently need to have faith in ourselves, just as we have to have faith in our children, that we can grow, that we can self-direct, that we can still be curious, engaged learners -- even when we are in the trenches of parenthood. Our children need role models of people doing real, meaningful...stuff. 

In her posts, she says stuff like this. 

"Just like exercise builds muscle by tearing muscle, you can grow by stressing yourself out a little. You’ve already seen everything that exists inside your comfort zone. I’m not saying you have to leap right to public speaking or kidney donation, but maybe go to a social event you would normally invent an excuse to avoid. Maybe when someone asks for volunteers, raise your hand. When your neighbor asks if you want to go along to her book club, say yes. When you see a flyer at the library for an interesting class or seminar you would normally consider and dismiss, actually sign up. Get a babysitter and go."

Which takes me back to my post from last week. It was a funny little post which was basically just me having a conversation with myself. I really, really appreciate every single kind remark in response to my words. Thank you. It feels good to hear good things about yourself. Wow! But I didn't intend to come across as sounding pityful or needing a pat on the back. (Well, let's be real, shall we? Who doesn't need a pat on the back every now and then.) That felt good, like an unexpected massage, or an evening out with the girls. At least, when I wrote it, I wasn't searching for approval or reassurance... The truth of the matter is simple. I have good days and less than days. Somedays, the dishes feel so monotonous, the whining unbearable, the day so long, the inspiration for dinner seriously lacking. And most other days, the sun shines in the kitchen, I hear a mockingbird singing on the fence, Beatrix is doing something or another crazy awesome, and I feel so blessed about it all. This IS what I signed up for kind of moments. Still I know I need to take Lori's advice and engage more in things that I don't feel 100% comfortable doing. Just to keep stretching. Just to keep in shape. Just to keep growing.